More Help Than Needed

Ever since Al Gore invented the internet, people have had trouble using it. Some people can’t even turn on their computers, some can’t set up their router, and some can’t figure out why the blogosphere isn’t round. I have never had any of these problems, as things like the internet generally come pretty easily to me. Math? Not so much, but the internet, yes.

Yesterday I decided to list an item on Ebay, so I went to the site and started the process. I’ve had an Ebay account for quite some time, but I’ve never used it. I just wanted to get the name awhile ago, because new members have that little star next to their name and that little star is a blockade against trust. Nobody is going to bid $800 on some toast with the face of Jesus in it if you have that little star next to your name.

I got to the screen where I was choosing my method of payment for the posting fee, and I needed to update my credit card info. I clicked the “Edit Card” link and nothing happened. I clicked again, and nothing. I know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, but I mean, it’s Ebay. They couldn’t possibly have a dead link. Not Ebay.

As it turns out Ebay offers no call center because they want to make things as difficult as possible, so instead they have a “Live Support” feature where you can chat with a guide who will try and help you with your problem. I’ve always thought that these were really just smart computers that analyze your responses, but I’ve always been too scared to type anything random in to see. If you feel so bold, I would type “boobies.” If it’s a computer, it will probably just ignore it. If it’s a person, well good luck to you.

The support person, whose screen name was Ved, walked me through various steps to fix the problem. She kept trying to take me on different link paths to get to the page I needed, but everything took me back to that one dead link. Eventually I just got fed up and decided that it wasn’t worth the trouble and I would use Paypal.  I told Ved this and things got interesting.

Me:  Thanks for the help, but I think I’ll just use Paypal.

Ved: No, I should be thanking you. You have been too kind and patient.

Me: Haha, no worries. You tried to help, that’s all I can ask for.

Ved: I wish I could’ve helped you more. You seem great.

Me: Haha. Anyway, thanks again.

Ved: So what are you trying to sell?

Me: Uh, a cigar cutter.

Ved: Ooo you smoke cigars? My ex-boyfriend smoked cigars, I love them.

Me: That’s great, you should go bid on my cutter then.

Ved: Haha you’re funny too. So where do you live?

I didn’t answer this question, but instead closed the window. I have never been hit on by a (hopefully) girl on the internet, much less one from an Ebay support center, but I know it’s not something I’m comfortable with. Then again I could be wrong about the whole thing and it was still a computer. Damn crazy smart horny computers.

Josh