If you’ve read some of my past posts you know that I am not a big fan of school. This also means that I’m not a big fan of things that go along with school, like reading and studying and whatnot. Some people may say that these things will contribute greatly to a college career; I say beer pong contributes more. After all, how many history tests will I get to take once I’m out of college: Zero. How many rounds of beer pong can I play once I’m out of college: The number is unmeasurable.
Today however, I had one history test and zero rounds of beer pong. I didn’t study for this test for the reasons stated prior, so I went in with a very limited knowledge of the material. This was made all too clear to me once I received the test and started looking over the questions. One or two of them looked vaguely familiar, but the rest may as well have been written in an idioglossia. (That’s right, I just used a word you don’t know the meaning of. But to make you feel better, I had to search the internet for about 45 minutes to find it.)
I went through the test and answered the ones I knew, leaving about 85% of the questions blank. My test looked so sad; some pages didn’t have any writing at all on them. I decided I may as well make use of the rest of my time in the class and fill in answers anyway. I quickly made a few rules for myself. 1) I had to answer as honestly as I could. 2) I had to mention Chuck Norris. 3) None of the answers could be anything a 6-year-old wouldn’t have come up with.
Question 1: (referencing a film we watched in class that I didn’t see because I skipped to play NCAA ‘08) When the general looked off from the bridge over to the shore, what did he see?
My answer: Land.
The correct answer: I don’t know, I don’t even know what film it was, so I couldn’t find the answer if I tried.
Question 2: Southern governments passed laws permitting liens in the late 19th century. These laws trapped sharecroppers in a cycle of debt and _____?
My answer: Despair.
The correct answer: preventing economic diversification away from cotton-based agriculture.
I was way off on that one. Truth be told though, I would be in despair if I was trapped in a cycle of debt.
Question 3: Please discuss the Pennsylvania anthracite coal strike of 1902, and describe Roosevelt’s response to it.
My answer: Teddy Roosevelt recruited Chuck Norris and the two of them went and mined all of the anthracite in Pennsylvania themselves.
The correct answer: Who gives a damn, how badass is my answer?! Even if that’s not what happened it should be what happened. We’d have a lot more anthracite and another great story about Chuck Norris.
Finally, my personal favorite of the day.
Question 4: Please identify Robert LaFollette.
My answer: Robert LaFollette was mentioned many times in class. We learned quite a bit about him and we were told that there would be a question about him on the test. The information about him given in our notes appeared just above Hiram Johnson’s information.
The correct answer: I’ll spare you because he was some boring old guy that did some boring old crap that nobody gives a damn about. But it didn’t involve anthracite or recruiting Chuck Norris so it’s not worth getting put on the Parm.
That’s just a sampling of the answers I turned in today. I can’t even remember them all so when I get the test back if there are more good ones I’ll update this post and put them up. I’m not really sure how my teacher is going to take it. He seems to have a pretty good sense of humor but you never know. Maybe he’ll kick me out of college and I can fulfill my dream of becoming an anthracite coal miner. Or a gigolo, I always thought that would be fun.
Josh
Filed under: humor, personal | Tagged: answers, history, unprepared
Josh, only you would spend 45 minutes looking for a word to include in your post that none of your readers will understand. I know what it means, though, so there (a made up language that few people know or use). Also, if you don’t start studying before tests, you will not graduate or get a job, thus becoming trapped in a cycle of debt and despair. And when that happens, I WILL say, “I told you so.”
God bless Patty Hunter!
Oh Josh, you always know how to crack me up. Come to Macon. You can have way more stories about the ghetto for the Parm.
Maybe you should consider finding an attractive study buddy. This could help with your motivation for the subject. After the test, you can beer pong together. Just a thought.