Fun In An NYC Limo

Back when I was about 12 or so my aunt decided to take my sister and me to New York City. We had never taken any big trips other than to the beach, so this was exciting. I started packing the day I found out, and the night before we were leaving I couldn’t sleep. I was so excited on the way to the airport, waiting for the plane, and flying up. I kept looking out the window hoping to see the Statue of Liberty and the Golden Gate Bridge. Yeah I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

When we finally touched town we got our bags and headed out to the parking lot. Up ahead was a guy holding a sign with my aunt’s last name on it. As it turns out she had gotten a limo to take us to the hotel. Having never ridden in a limo I immediately got into the seat near the front that faces backwards. Of course I then turned around to look through the windshield because I didn’t want to miss anything. Again, I wasn’t the genius I am today.

Before I go any further I should let you in on a few key details about my 6th grade self. I played a lot of tennis back then and had no real sense of fashion either, so pretty much anywhere I went I was just wearing a t-shirt and windsuit pants. Yes I know now, windsuit pants are always a bad call, even on the court, but back then my parents wanted me to be “free to express myself” and wouldn’t tell me that I was breaking virtually every rule of fashion. So to sum it up in this story I have on windsuit pants.

The drive into the city was great. I had never seen anything like Harlem and I started playing a game with my sister where we would see which one of us saw more commandments being broken. I got nine, because nobody was really coveting anybody else’s stuff, they were just stealing it as soon as the thought struck them.

We eventually got into the city and traffic really slowed down. It was start/stop for a long time, and eventually we came to a standstill. I leaned forward to look at all the billboards and people when suddenly traffic started moving again. The driver floored it. Regardless of how good you are with math I bet you can figure out this equation: Windsuit pants + leather seats. Anyone, anyone? The answer is me flying the length of the limo, knocking over about 12 liquor bottles and eventually landing on my aunt. Our $50 limo ride turned into a $250 bar tab. My aunt was furious about the money. The driver was furious about the spills. I was just mad one of those bottles cut my windsuit pants.

Josh